ADHD and Shame: How Criticism Impacts Self-Esteem (and What Actually Helps)
Do you ever feel shame? Low self-esteem?
Shame is a common experience for people with ADHD. It stems from the common challenges associated with ADHD, criticisms experienced, and the negative self-perceptions that result. This shame can significantly impact self-esteem and overall well-being.
What does the research say?
It may not surprise you to learn that a 2022 research study based on interviews of adults with ADHD concluded that “people with ADHD are at high risk of receiving criticism from others” which has “negative consequences for self-worth and wellbeing.” These consequences, not surprisingly, include depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
What causes shame in ADHD?
ADHD Challenges: Your ADHD symptoms like difficulty focusing, impulsivity, and hyperactivity can lead to mistakes, missed opportunities, and social difficulties, contributing to feelings of shame and self-blame.
Internalized Negative Perceptions: If you have ADHD, you may have internalized criticism and negative feedback from others, leading to a belief that you are inherently flawed or incapable.
Impact on Self-Esteem: Shame can erode your self-esteem, making it difficult to accept positive feedback, celebrate achievements, or even feel pride in your accomplishments.
Coping Mechanisms: It’s common with ADHD to develop coping mechanisms like masking or withdrawing from social situations to avoid potential shame triggers, but this only makes things worse.
Long-term Effects: Shame can be a persistent issue for people with ADHD, impacting relationships, work, and overall quality of life.
What helps in overcoming ADHD-related shame?
A therapist who is experienced in working with adults who have ADHD can be an important ally in addressing shame.
Shame is often stored in the body and nervous system as ingrained patterns of thought, feelings and reactions or behaviors. A therapist with expertise in somatic (body- and energy-based) approaches can help get to the root of shame, shifting the way the body and nervous system react and improving your sense of self.
Here are some helpful approaches a therapist can guide you in:
Self-Compassion: Learning to practice self-compassion, treating oneself with kindness and understanding, is crucial for challenging negative self-talk and shame.
Mindfulness: learning mindfulness techniques can help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and feelings, including those related to shame, and develop strategies for managing them.
Reframing Negative Thoughts: In some cases, learning to challenge negative thoughts and replacing them with more realistic and compassionate perspectives can help shift the focus from perceived inadequacies to strengths and progress.
Identifying Triggers: Recognizing situations, people, or thoughts that trigger shame can help you develop proactive strategies for managing those situations.
Focusing on Strengths: Learning to practice acknowledging and celebrating personal strengths, achievements, and resilience is important to help shift the focus away from perceived failures.
Setting Boundaries: Understanding how to establish healthy boundaries in relationships and interactions can help protect against further shame and negative self-talk.
Addressing the Roots of Shame: Specially trained therapists can help you learn EFT “tapping” and lead you through other somatic (body-based) approaches that can address shame at the level of the nervous system, reducing your reactivity and creating ease. This can have a direct and healing effect.
By understanding the roots of ADHD-related shame, and getting help to address it, you will be able to cultivate self-compassion, relax your nervous system, improve your self-esteem, and build a more positive self-image.
Free video resource:
I have created a free video that can lead you through a simple EFT “tapping” exercise to address shame.
I am a holistic therapist and work with clients using EFT tapping, and other somatic (body- and energy-based) approaches, to address shame at its roots as it is stored in the body and nervous system. This can lead to more lasting relief and a quicker time to overcoming shame-based reactivity.
Curious to learn more? Schedule a free consultation today.
What is your next step in addressing shame?
What steps are you ready to take to move away from shame and to begin to experience your life -- and yourself -- more positively?
Reference
Beaton, D. M., Sirois, F., & Milne, E. (2022). Experiences of criticism in adults with ADHD: A qualitative study. Plos one, 17(2), e0263366. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0263366
